Elliot's CRAZY Birth Story

Here's Elliot's birth story, as written to share with our Bradley Birth class...

Saturday - 07/28/2012

Irregular contractions throughout the day – more like annoying Braxton-Hicks.

3:00PM – Leah takes an hour nap when the kids nap, just in case.

5:00PM – Contractions start to get a little more regular and more uncomfortable. Leah still in denial b/c contractions are still so short, and not every one is super hard.

7:30PM - Contractions begin to get stronger / more serious and 3-4 minutes apart. During contractions, Leah alternates b/t sitting on exercise ball watching the Olympics with the kids, doing laundry, walking around, or just relaxing. They start in the front like normal, but are radiating down to her bum and that’s where it really hurts the most. Starts worrying about back labor and another posterior baby. Ryan starts thinking THIS IS THE REAL THING – somehow, Leah is still in denial.

8:03PM – Leah e-mails sister-in-law Lori to complain about her annoying all-day “Braxton-Hicks”...

Leah takes shower and contractions really intensify. The pressure of the showerhead on her lower back is unbearable and sends her to her hands and knees in the shower. She gets out and sends the kids to bed so she can focus (previously, she had enjoyed them as a distraction). Starts to realize maybe this is really happening tonight. Also realizes that she needs Ryan to rub her lower back SUPER HARD during each contraction – this greatly helps alleviate the pressure/pain on her bum. He reminds her to relax during each contraction, and this helps.

9:01PM – Ryan calls his sister Lori in the next town over to tell her to be ready to come – “could be tonight.”

9:08PM - Called Tina's answering service (the midwife) and left message.
9:12PM - Tina returned call – Ryan let her know to be ready “just in case” – she listened to Leah through one contraction and knew she needed to be prepared to leave.

9:22PM - Leah texted her folks: "You guys are on alert.  Tonight might be the night.  Don't come yet, but get ready."

9:25PM - Leah's folks called in response to the text and were told just to be ready (they are an hour south, and would be the long-term babysitters). Would have told them to come earlier, but Leah really didn’t want company in the house so she could labor in private – she was starting to really need to “noise” thru contractions. Ryan is mentioning that perhaps going to the hospital now would be good, but Leah is super paranoid about getting there too soon like last time.

9:29PM – A little blood came out during a contraction – Leah told Ryan she was starting to “unplug.” Things really starting to happen fast – the contractions were on top of each other, and all Ryan got a chance to write down in his notes was “Blood”...

9:31PM – Ryan called Leah's folks to come. Leah told him if they get here and I’m still in labor, they have to wait in the car in the driveway!

9:34PM – While Leah was leaning over exercise ball during a contraction, her water broke with the Hollywood-style POP-GUSH! (Very surprising – the last 3 labors, her water has always been broken by Tina to try to speed up a stalled late 1st-stage.) Ryan called his sister back and said, “You need to COME NOW! We have to go!”

Leah’s first two thoughts: 1.) OH NO this means now I can’t labor in the tub!, and 2.) I have to get outside in the rain immediately so I don’t make more of a mess on the carpet!  So she runs outside to the front porch in the rain. The very next contraction, she realizes she feels the urge to push.

OH CRAP.

Thru the door, Leah hears her 5-yr-old daughter Lily upstairs crying. Leah opens the the front door – Lily sobs, “I didn’t get to say goodbye!” and comes down to hug Mama. Mama starts to have a contraction, and encourages Lily, “Everything is OK, just please rub my back!” Lily does her best to console her mom despite all her Mama’s noise, and is SUPER SWEET in her effort. After the contraction is over, Leah encourages her that she did great, tells her the baby is going to come out soon, and tells her to go back to bed so she can meet him tomorrow. Lily is happy to have helped and said goodbye, and runs back to bed.

Meanwhile, inside...

9:36PM – Ryan called Tina's answering service and left message.
9:41PM – Tina called back and Ryan told her, “Leah’s water broke! We’re going to hospital.” He frantically tries to finish gathering everything that needs to get put in the car from Leah's "last minute" list.

9:46PM – Could no longer wait for Ryan’s sister. Leah is on the front porch in the rain on her hands and knees wanting to push. When Ryan realizes what’s happening, he tells her, “OK, let’s go back inside and get in the tub and you can push!” But to Leah, the thought of going all the way back upstairs and climbing into the tub seems harder than driving to the hospital. Plus, in her head, that is not the plan – and she is somehow completely unable to deviate from THE PLAN.

9:47PM – Ryan calls a college-aged neighbor named Zoe and tells her to COME NOW! Waits all of 10 seconds, can’t wait any longer, then starts RUNNING next door to another neighbor’s house to get her IMMEDIATELY – then sees his sister’s headlights down the road! Ryan calls Zoe as he runs back home and tells her to forget it.

9:48PM – Ryan helps Leah into car (where she won’t go until after she’s assured there’s a garbage bag under the towel on the seat – priorities!), and they speed off before Lori is even out of her car. Leah has 2-3 contractions on the short ride to the hospital, and is working VERY HARD to not push through them – noising LOUDLY. Ryan reminds her to relax (probably b/c she is squeezing him so hard) and this helps. We will not document here the speeds travelled en-route...

9:55PM - Arrive at hospital. The minute the car stops, Leah gets out onto her hands and knees in the wet parking lot for another contraction. Guard with wheelchair is unsure what to do – Ryan rubs Leah’s back and assures the guard it’s OK – she’s just in labor. Now, Ryan has suddenly switched from frantic to calm and IN CONTROL. After contraction, Leah is persuaded to get into wheelchair (after she initially refuses, the guard says, “At least to the front door so you don’t slip in the rain!”). But she has absolutely no desire to sit, so she climbs onto it, rides it backwards on her knees, hanging onto the pole and over the back of the squishy black seat.

9:58PM – Official time the hospital marks us as having arrived. Ryan wheeled Leah inside (who now does not want to get off the wheelchair), and a second guard runs ahead and opens doors to labor/delivery area. Ryan yells, “We need a room!” and nurse at desk asks if it it’s Leah (Tina had called ahead). Other nurses direct us to room and tell Leah to get off the wheelchair and onto the bed. Leah opens her eyes for the first time and realizes she is no longer in the rain, but in a delivery room with four or five people rushing into the room behind her.

She climbs out of chair and says, “No, I don’t want to get on the bed!” because, again, the idea of doing anything on her back or bum is out of the question. She tries to get onto her hands and knees on the floor, but is told she really must get on the bed, so she climbs up and she hangs her upper body over the top of the raised bed and pillows with her knees on the flat part of the bed. She’s still not sure they’ll let her stay that way, but it’s the only way she can imagine staying.

The hospital doctor (Dr. Grady?) asks if she can check Leah, and Leah yells, “NO!” The idea of someone’s fingers doing an internal is unimaginable. Leah bears down during a contraction, but is still not 100% pushing because she feels the need to wait for Tina to make sure no one tries to intervene or stop her from laboring in this position. After contraction, hospital doctor sticks her fingers in there anyway and says, “Here’s the head – right there – look, Dad!” Ryan takes a peek and confirms he sees hair and head! Leah absolutely can’t believe the head is right there. It’s always taken SO MUCH WORK to get this far in the past. One more pushing contraction that Leah did not fight got the head to show a little more, but then it slipped back in a little. (Two steps forward, one step back!)

Leah heard Tina arrive and then decided it was “go time” – no more holding back! With the next push, the baby’s head was out to just below the nose, then the contraction stopped. Tina and the hospital doctor tried to pull the baby's head down and everyone kept telling Leah to keep pushing, because the baby began to turn blue (tho they did not tell her this, of course). They somehow maneuvered him out to below his chin and removed the umbilical cord from around his neck, and everyone was still telling Leah to keep pushing. It was very hard without a pushing contraction because she couldn’t FEEL HOW TO push – but she knew from experience what must be happening with the cord and was trying very hard.

10:10PM – With the next push, the baby's shoulders and the rest of his body came out! Tina caught the baby and he started crying immediately – the quickest we’ve heard one of our baby’s cry – such a relief! Leah was in shock and couldn’t believe it was over already. It was very unreal – and she couldn’t see anything because she was facing the wall! The umbilical cord was clamped and Ryan cut the cord.

The baby was taken to the other side of the room with his daddy to be quickly weighed and measured. Leah got turned over and realized she hadn’t even seen her baby yet! Ryan brought him back and he looked JUST like one of our babies – only with the nicest little round head – no wonder he just popped right out!

10:17PM - Ryan texted Leah's dad "8lbs 13oz, all ok" and he texted back that they had just barely left the house! =)

(Abbreviated timeline compiled the day after Elliot was born, thanks to the call history on our phones / texts and in our e-mails. Official hospital arrival time and baby's birth time supplied by Labor & Delivery.)

Samanatha's Birth Story - Two Years Later

Seeing as baby #4 is due in t-minus 2 1/2 weeks (hi, little buddy! Looking forward to meeting you soon!), what better time to document the birth of baby #3 just over two years ago? Yikes, I'm a little behind.

Three days past my due date, I woke up in the middle of the night wondering if perhaps my water had broken. I noticed some uncomfortable contractions and thought I guess I could be in labor, but mostly doubted it because after an awful back labor with baby #1, I have this habit of discounting anything that doesn't have me doubled over in pain for a day and a half. I slept off and on for the rest of the night.

In the morning, the contractions were a little stronger but still nothing to write home about - like Braxton Hicks getting a little more uncomfortable and perhaps a little closer together if I had actually stopped to notice. Before Ryan left for work, I mumbled something about how he should keep his phone close because this could be the day. But I was half asleep so I'm only half sure that's what I actually said.

After I got up and got the kids breakfast, I called my midwife, Tina, since I still wasn't sure my water had broken (it never had before). She wanted me to come to the office as soon as I could for a quick look-see, and I was all, "Um, yeah, how's THAT gonna happen?" as I looked at the two tiny faces seated beside me.

*Tangent. I'm having trouble picturing my skinny, tall, rambunctious 4-yr-old Jacob as this tiny, little speech-delayed CHUBBY 2-yr-old, sitting there at the table idolizing his big 3 1/2-yr-old sister...*

But Tina insisted - apparently when you're overdue and you think your water might have broken and your contractions are getting stronger, other people start to think you might actually be in labor, even if you don't yourself - so I called my neighbor to come stay with the kids for "just a little while" so I could go get checked out.

One pH test later and Tina informed me that no, my water had not broken (oops), but after an internal exam and one glance at my contractions (the "no, wait, stop talking for a second so I can concentrate through this" kind), she happily announced that I was 5cm dilated and indeed in labor.

Um, come again?

It's interesting being told you're halfway through something that you didn't even realize you'd started. Starting a labor in denial is DEFINITELY the way to go...

She told me she didn't want me driving myself home and having this baby on the side of the road - because apparently there's this pre-conceived notion that 3rd babies just FALL OUT (*cough cough LORI cough cough*) - and that I needed to walk myself across the street to the hospital and check myself in.

Um, come again? I'm just here for a check-up!

So even though my brain and my body are telling me it's too early, I take her advice and walk across the street. I call everyone I can think of on the way to tell them the exciting news. Ryan, to tell him to wrap it up and get home because apparently, the baby's coming? Maybe? Ryan's parents, Lori and Angela, because I knew they'd understand the excitement. Pam, because SOMEONE had to relieve my neighbor, who when she heard the term "possible labor," rushed over still in her pajamas for my "quick" doctor's visit. My parents, who would ultimately be staying with the kids while Ryan and I were at the hospital after the baby was born.

Long story short, I took my time getting there. I still wasn't really 100% sure I was in labor (see? DENIAL!), and this news had stalled any contractions and flooded me with adrenaline. When I finally got there, I walked myself through the front door and up to Labor & Delivery. I remember mumbling something to the guard outside the doors about, "My doctor told me to come because she thinks I'm in labor..." and he made the best surprised / you're crazy face ever. The nurses were so relieved to see me because they were convinced I must have had the baby on the walk over it took me so long. They immediately checked me into my [beautiful, huge, corner] room.

It didn't take long for Ryan to get there, and when he did, I sent him to the cafeteria to get us both lunch, because I was starving and there's nothing like a husband who just left work because something was supposed to be happening sitting around just waiting for something to happen. Tina arrived and I felt this sudden pressure to perform...all I could think about was all the appointments she'd have to cancel all day because of me and my supposed labor.

So Tina and I walked around. And around. And around. I gradually started believing her that I was in labor ("Hang on, let me lean against this wall for a second...."), and did a good job relaxing through the contractions as we walked. I wasn't crazy about being at the hospital so early in my labor - feeling this pressure to perform - and should have listened to my instincts to just drive myself home from Tina's office and come back when this thing was really in full swing, like with my last two labors. I knew my body by then and knew that MY babies don't just fall out on their own. They take a lot of work to get out - work that I wasn't near doing at 5cm in Tina's office.

But it was too late. Ryan and I ate our big lunch, and I happily smiled for the camera, sandwich in hand ("See, world? The joy of having a midwife and being allowed to EAT while in labor when you're hungry and about to run a marathon!").

The details start to get a little foggy after that...because, you know, I was a little busy giving birth. Contractions were really starting to get harder, but at one point, after a couple hours, Tina started feeling that my labor was not progressing as it should and she was worried that my [tired, used-up] uterus wasn't up for the performance. She at some point broke my water, and let me tell you YUCK I did not enjoy walking around LEAKING...so dighusting. But that didn't do the trick, as far as she was concerned, so she started me on Pitocin.

Greeeeeaaaaat. I was on Pit for the end of my (previously-mentioned, AWFUL, 31 1/2hr posterior) labor with Lily, so I wasn't as afraid of it as a regular first-time mom might have been, and I knew it would do its job of getting things moving, but I was really hoping to avoid interventions. She got the Pit going and some hard contractions really started coming. Yay...it's working...

Transition hit soon after. Sweating, cold (or was it hot?), talking about how I could go no farther, and Ryan please turn OFF that camera because who wants to remember THIS?! After one particularly BAD contraction, where I remember laying on my side and moaning, I opened my eyes and saw all this STUFF set out on a table at the foot of my bed. "How did all that get there? And WHEN?"

Tina laughed and asked me, hadn't I noticed I was making a bearing-down noise during that last contraction? I thought about it. Oh yes, I suppose it HAD felt better to bear down through that.

I guess she was ready to catch a baby!

She checked me internally again and pronounced me 10cm with a little lip but nothing I couldn't push through. So the next contraction came and naturally everyone expected me to start pushing.

I had other ideas.

For some reason, I had NO urge to push. Or maybe I had the urge but I would rather fight it because I was being lazy and wasn't this baby just supposed to fall out by itself? I seemed to remember hearing that just a few hours before...

We went through a few contractions like that. It could have been 5 or 20, I have no idea. Maybe one day we'll go back and watch the video, but two years later and we've still NEVER SEEN IT. Somehow it just seems too...real? So I vividly remember people telling me to PUUUUSH and me yelling back NOOOOO I don't WAAAANT to push, stop saying PUUUUUSH!!! And Tina made a back-handed comment like, "Well, I guess we'll just wait here because she must not be ready for this baby to come out yet," or something like that.

And she totally knew how to handle me because when a passive-aggressive person is faced with a passive-aggressive comment like that, they're all OH NO YOU DIDN'T!!! and suddenly I had the urge to push. Who knew?

The whole stage 2 of this labor took an hour start to finish, just as Jacob's had, so it's not like one push and out came this gigantic baby. It was still a lot of hard work. A lot of typical 2 steps forward, 1 step back. Finally, the head was in position and when I can reach down and FEEL it, I am HUGELY motivated (but no stop asking if I'd like a mirror put down there to help motivate me because that just grosses me out and feeling what's happening is motivation enough for me!).

I remember at one point Ryan announcing that the baby's hair looked red, and I totally didn't believe him. But even comments like that are HUGELY motivating because I really wanted to see for myself so I could point out how he was wrong ;)

Have I ever mentioned that it's not easy pushing out a 10lb baby? With a head in the 80th percentile for 10lbs? So yes, now we know for certain. My babies do not just fall out. If anyone ever suggests that again, I am going to laugh so hard the baby might just fall out. Or not.

I know lots of women fear the "ring of fire," but I remember being SO HAPPY to be that far along - knowing that with just a couple more pushes, this baby would be out and in my arms and the whole labor would be over. (We all know that pesky stage 3 doesn't really count.) So with just a few more pushes, our beautiful CHUBBY little girl came sliding out.

They put this big baby (toddler?) on my belly and the smell and feel of my previous babies came flooding back to me. I don't think that's something you ever really forget - the SMELL of a newborn who just came out of you, so fresh she's still attached to you, wriggling and whimpering, and squinting and not at all sure what just happened.

Immediately, everyone started guessing her weight, just like they had with Jacob. I wanted to nurse her and keep her with me for a good while before they whisked her away to be cleaned and weighed and checked, but my curiosity got the best of me, and I really wanted to know how big she was, too. I don't think anyone could quite believe she was 10lb 1oz. I wonder how big she would have been had I nursed first??

I tore the same as the previous two times, and Tina gave me a local and stitched me up after delivering the placenta. I remember the nurses telling me that I had to go to the bathroom before I could leave the room, so I sat up and swung my legs over the bed, and they just about fell over because my hospital has a 90% epidural rate (insanity!) and what in the world is that mother doing with control of her own legs???

After getting me set up in my mother-baby postpartum room, Tina had me still hooked up to the Pitocin, which was really irritating because it was still giving me uncomfortable contractions at a time when I was feeling like I deserved to be done having them. She was worried that my uterus my not go back down in size properly post-delivery, since it hadn't been contracting "properly" previous to the delivery.

Ryan's family were Samantha's first visitors, but I remember it taking a really long time for the nurses to actually bring her into the room. Visiting hours were ending, and they still hadn't seen their new grand-daughter. After several promptings from polite Ryan, they finally brought her in and our newest little bundle was passed around amongst the family.

The next day, my parents came with the kids so they could meet their new little sister. Lily was somewhat interested and spent a good amount of time petting her on her soft little head. Jacob had NO desire to be there and it was difficult getting any pictures of him with the baby. Lily was eventually distracted by potato chips on my food tray and noises in the hallway, so we all went for a little walk to the waiting area and the kids got to see their new sister at their own pace.

I guess two years later, I still remember a lot of the details. Here's hoping that now that it's all written down and out of my head, I've made room for a whole new set of memories with baby #4! You hear that, baby? We're ready for you! Whenever you'd like to arrive is fine with me =)


TRACKBACK:
Lily Ann (December 19, 2006)
Jacob Ryan (May 18, 2008)

Lily's Birth Story...On Her Third Birthday

NOTE: Originally written Thursday, February 22, 2007

Lily Ann was born Tuesday morning, December 19th, 2006, at 9:28 a.m. with our midwife, Allison. Lily was 8 lb 7 oz and 21 inches long, and 8 days late. She had daddy's long body, and we couldn't have prayed for a more perfect, beautiful little girl.

So here's all the details...

Labor was 31.5 hours long. Yikes. Didn't get a wink of sleep Saturday night because I was scratching so bad from the PUPPPs rash. It's still going away - I have bruises from scratching myself so bad...

(* From the night before labor started: It's 1:37 a.m. and I can't sleep. I'm tired, that's for sure, but I know by now that sleep will not come. Every 5 minutes, a different part of my body is itching, and I can't relax. My rash has spread considerably. It is no longer just on my belly, filling in my stretch marks. It has spread to the top of my legs (where my belly hits when I am sitting), the insides of my calves, the tops of my hands, around my fingers, between my toes, and on the top of my torso. I see signs of it starting on my inner arms, my lower back, and it has already become a nuisance around my armpits. It seems every time I look somewhere new, there are bumps forming there. *)

I took castor oil 5 p.m. Sunday night because I knew delivering the baby would make the itching recede and, by then, stopping the itching was all I could think about.

Hands down the grossest thing I've ever done. I can still taste it just talking about it.

Contractions started at 1 a.m. on Monday morning. Ryan woke up and started timing at 2:30 a.m. when they were about 3 minutes apart but only 20-30 seconds long. We waited it out through the night and by 6 a.m, they were 40-50 seconds long, but farther apart. Called Allison at 8 a.m., who listened to me over the phone and said she'd call back in an hour. Nothing new to report by then - contractions were a little farther apart - and so she called back again at noon. STILL not progressing. She said to just come in for my previously scheduled appt (non-stress test and amniotic fluid check) at 3:30 p.m.. Came in, baby's heartbeat was great, lots of fluid, everything was fine. But I was STILL only 3 cm dialated, as I had been at the previous week's non-stress test. She stripped by membranes without me realizing it, and at 6 p.m., my contractions got a lot harder.

Around 8 p.m., I took the half of the Ambien Allison gave me. She said if anything, it would help me sleep through the night (since it seemed as if my labor was stalling and might stop until the morning) and I obviously needed rest, having missed the past TWO nights of sleep (my contractions started the previous night, and the night before tha,t I was awake all night scratching with the PUPPPs). But during contractions, the Ambien made me halucinate! I remember asking Ryan who all the people in the room were, and contractions were awful because I didn't know what was going on or why I was in so much pain - I kept wondering whose baby I was carrying, or why I was trying to deliver a coffee table or a steak. VERY wild stuff. So eventually at 2 a.m. I forced myself to snap out of it because I realized I was not right in the head, and I told Ryan - after 25 hours of labor - I couldn't take it anymore and wanted to go to the hospital.

Allison met us there at 2:30 a.m. By then, I was 7 cm dialated. I finally felt like I was getting somewhere. After all, I had only been in labor for one full day!

But then I didn't seem to progress anymore and my contractions started spacing out farther again (this was probably around 4 a.m.). Ryan and I took a walk around Labor & Delivery, peaking in on the newborns whose Mamas had already gone through labor, visiting my parents in the waiting room, and stopping to lean on the closest wall during each contraction.

Allison broke my water sometime after I got to the hospital, but since that didn't seem to do anything, their next course of action was to put me on a low drip of Pitocin to get things moving along. Obviously, I wasn't too excited about this, but by that point I was so exhausted from lack of sleep that I was ready to do anything she told me to speed this process along. So the Pitocin helped and within a few hours Allison heard me bearing down in one of my contractions (I had no idea that's what I was doing - it just felt good at the time). I was 9 cm by then (and on a much higher Pitocin drip) and she said that was good enough for her - I could start pushing.

Pushing itself took 3 hours and there was still much doubt about whether or not this baby was going to come out. Eventually, Tina (the other midwife) showed up, and she gave the room the boost it needed. She got right in there and started yelling at me ("No, you're not doing it right! Yes, do it this way!") and she confirmed that, yes, this baby WAS going to come out and that, yes, I COULD do it amid my exhaustion, which was just what I needed to hear.

After lots and lots (and lots) of pushes, the head finally started to come out. Feeling it with my fingers (after initially refusing - eww) was a great encouragement and at this point, I was so desperate to be done that it was hard to only push when I had the urge. When Lily's head was halfway out, the contraction stopped, and I was laying there in "ring of fire" for about 3-4 minutes, just waiting for another one. I must have been feeling pretty good at being that close to being done, because I remember making a joke while we were all waiting - humming "la la la la la la..." or something silly. And finally when I got that last contraction, I pushed and pushed and pushed until she came all the way out. Head first, then a hand, then the rest of her body. I had a 1st degree tear in one direction and a 2nd degree tear in another, not helped by all my crazy "I'm just gonna keep pushing!" at the end when I was not having a contraction and just wanted to be DONE.

But she was finally out! They placed this little wriggling, slippery, red person on my chest immediately after delivery (so immediate she was still attached to me), and I stared at her in wonder. Who was she? My daughter? Did she really just come out of me and am I supposed to know what to do with her? Only then did I really remember what all the pushing and exhaustion was all about. Might have been good to be reminded along the way ;) I guess, I never really envisioned her finally coming out and that there would really be a baby!



(Cameraphone pic Ryan took in the delivery room)

She had light peach fuzz for hair, and a cone head from my three hours of pushing. She had Apgar scores of 9 and 9. If she were a doctor's daughter, she would have scored perfect 10's, but 9's were just fine by me.

Ryan cut the cord and followed her out of the room to be weighed & measured, and to have her face wiped off, never leaving her side. She got the vitamin K shot on Allison's advice (she had a lot of bruising and scratching on her head from being stuck down there so long and I guess from her fingernails), but no eye drops or bath. While she was gone, Allison gave me the local anesthetic and had me push out the placenta, since it was right there. Easiest push of my life. Then she stitched me up and Lily came back all bundled up and warm and cuddly. She breastfed for at least half an hour and I couldn't believe how normal and 2nd nature that felt to me, once we got her on right. She was a very eager baby and for that I was very grateful.



(Click on the pic to enlarge and see the bruises/scratches on her face)

My dad brought me a chocolate milkshake post-delivery (that was his one assignment), which Ryan fetched for me from the waiting room, and it was the best moment ever - little nursing baby cradled on one arm, chocolate milkshake in the other.

It was a struggle to get out of the delivery bed and on my feet. The nurse encouraged me to visit the restroom, and - after the complete openness of labor - it never once occured to me that it was abnormal to do so with the door open and with the nurse standing by.

Ryan was an excellent coach. He was down at the end watching everything that was happening the entire time, and reporting all the details back to me. Hearing the excitement in his voice every time a push made some progress was way more motivating than having him stand by my head randomly telling me how great I was doing. I still can't believe that he went from "boy who almost passed out giving blood" to "boy who couldn't take his eyes off his wife's labor." It's good we saw soooo many labor videos in our Bradley classes because he knew exactly what was happening every step of the way, and I think that knowledge took the scariness out of labor and the "mess" associated with it.

Once in my post-partum room, my parents (Lily's Oma and Opa), were the first to visit. They had been in the hospital for about 11 hours waiting for Lily to come out (I heard later that the nursing staff repeatedly checked on them and brought them snacks and coffee in the night - much appreciated yet definitely unexpected in a crazy-busy metropolitan hospital). My mom didn't know who to kiss and hug first - the exhausted new Mama or the tiny, sleeping baby.



(Proud new Oma)



(New Opa is used to displaying fish, not babies)

Later that morning, when Allison came to check on me, she mentioned mid-sentence that Lily was posterior. I stopped her. "Um, what?" She said that yes, Lily was posterior, and I asked her, "Why didn't you tell me that yesterday in the delivery?!" She said, "Well, what would have been the use in that?" At the moment, her sentiment made sense. But after thinking about it, I really wish I would have known during labor. Knowing would have made me feel less: "My body isn't working!" and more: "There's a REASON she isn't coming out! She needs time to TURN!" It would have been a motivation when I was feeling so defeated. I would have known to try pushing on my hands and knees more often. I would have known WHY my pushes weren't moving her down at all. But I guess if I HAD known, I might have been more inclined to agree to more intervention - which we were so happy to avoid. Who knows what the best thing would have been. Hindsight is always 20-20.

I didn't know beforehand how I would feel afterwards. I did not expect to be unable to sit, get out of bed easily, or lie comfortably in any position. I did not know my whole upper body would ache, and that I would have trouble standing up straight or taking deep breaths when out of bed. I was frightened to go to the bathroom, though I had to frequently. (Wasn't that supposed to stop once the baby was out?) The hot shower in the hospital bathroom washed what felt like years of grime and dirt off my body. It was energizing and renewing, mentally marking the end of my pregnancy and the start of motherhood.



I stared at this baby in her bassinet and didn't know what to think. I knew she was mine. I knew that hours before, she had been inside of me. But that didn't mean I knew who she was. I didn't know it would take time to get to know her, to fall in love with her. I felt guilty for the first few weeks of her life when I realized I was not immediately overwhelmed with feelings for her. I didn't realize that, just as it took time for me to fall in love with her daddy as I got to know him, it would take time to fall in love with her. I worried that a part of me was missing - the nurturing, mothering, instinctive side that immediately protects and coddles the new baby. I didn't feel any of that. I loved her, yes, but I was just as happy to hand her off to someone else and stare at this little stranger from afar than to hold her or hug her myself.



At 3 1/2 weeks, she smiled, and everything changed. She was lying on her bed and her daddy was making funny faces at her, and she smiled. We wondered if we were seeing things - was that for real? Perhaps she just had gas or moved her mouth in a position that resembled a smile without realizing it? He made more faces, and she smiled again. My heart melted.

It was then I realized that I was in love with her, and I discovered a whole new part of my guarded heart that I never knew could exist.



(Proud new parents)

Bradley Reunion

Maria and Fred were a couple in our Bradley birth class when we were pregnant with Lily in 2006. Their baby Jasmine was born a month after Lily. The last time I saw Maria was when Lily and Jasmine were just a couple months old.



Would you look at them now?!



Here's another fun comparison shot:





And oh yeah, did I mention we each then had two boys within two months of each other?



(Apparently, Lily was loving Jacob a little too aggressively for his taste...)

Here's a shot of the four little munchkins in action:

I Think the Worst is Over

Note: This is the post where I go into detail about the miscarriage, so if you'd rather not read the gory details, stop now. You've been warned.

It happened Thursday night, quite unexpectedly. A few hours of rising and falling cramps that had me couched, followed by a gush the moment I stood up.

Um, yuck...

Now I know of another reason why God invented periods: so women are a little less likely to FREAK OUT when things like this happen. Let's just say any romantic ideas about a homebirth are now completely gone, because cleaning up after a mess like this?

Um, yuck...
(Thanks for your help, Mom.)

I spent the next hour or two waiting for it all to come out, but that got kind of boring ("Hmm, any new magazines in here?"), so I eventually crawled out and played with Jacob on the floor, too scared to stand up again.

After Ryan put Jacob to bed, my cramps intensified. I remember at one point - while curled up on the floor, shivering under a blanket with my teeth chattering - telling Ryan to stop asking me questions because I didn't want to talk anymore. I forced myself to relax and breath normally (yay, Bradly training!), and felt a little better.

Anybody else connecting the dots?

- Cramps rising and falling
- My whole body cold and shaking
- Not wanting to talk, but wanting to focus on relaxing

If I didn't know better, I'd think I was in labor. This, I did not expect.

I eventually decided to go upstairs and take a hot shower, which I knew would make me feel better (another nod to Bradley training). Halfway through, just while I was thinking about how great I was feeling, with no warning, it came out.

I'm still not 100% sure what IT was, but I have two guesses: the placenta, or the empty sack. I'm leaning towards the latter. It was about the size of a large smooshed peach - more oval than round, with something of a point on one of the long ends. I had half a brain to pick it up and examine it, but strangely could not make myself do it.

I loved watching the mole removal on my arm in 7th grade. Needles and lasers don't make me flinch. I was so glad I got to watch Jacob's circumcision because I've always wondered how on earth they do that.

But this? It was just too much. Ryan disposed of it, and when my shower was over, so were the cramps and the majority of the bleeding. It's still not 100% over - more like a period on a light day - and that was three days ago. I did not expect it all to happen so quickly, because last time, it was so different.

Last time, the whole process took about two weeks, and there was no moment of, "Aha! There it is. The end is near." I just woke up one morning, and my cramps were gone, and my bleeding had lightened, and I realized,, "Huh, I guess it happened last night with all that pain and heavy clotting, and I didn't even know it."

And I felt my loss anew, because I had missed it.

There are two reasons I think this may have been a little different: 1.) I was about three weeks farther along this time, and 2.) My body has given birth twice since then. It knows how to grow a baby and how to deliver a baby. It knows how to dilate to pass the baby - and perhaps I had dilated this time, as well. Looking back at the labor signs, that does not sound unreasonable, and it would certainly explain why something so large could just fall out on its own without me feeling it or having to push it out.

My follow-up appointment is on Tuesday, in two days, so maybe I'll get some answers then. I'm curious to see how different this ultrasound will be, two weeks later. I hope we will get a conclusive, "Everything is done - you're good to carry on," so I don't have to go back or wait for anything else.

I'm glad I'm feeling so good, and I'm glad I'm able to carry Jacob around in the Ergo again. Carrying him close does not make up for what we've lost, but it's certainly comforting having my baby right there against me.

Jacob's Birth Story - The Loooong Version

I spent the morning walking around the neighborhood block sale and thinking how funny it would be if I went into labor and had to call Ryan to come pick me up. I spent the afternoon working in the yard and wondering what we'd do for dinner. We decided to call our friends, Pam and Brian, and see if they wanted to get together. The idea of going to see Prince Caspian, the second Narnia movie, was tossed around, but it was too difficult finding a babysitter for Lily and their daughter Jillian on such short notice.



(Pam, Jillian, and Brian at their best)

Since I was the pregnant one, Pam offered to let me choose the dinner location: Thai food. As if there was any other choice. Plus, the idea of eating spicy food while carrying a 7-day post-date baby was very enticing. Lily was in desperate need of a nap, so we set out around 6:00 p.m. - about an hour earlier than we were supposed to meet Pam and Brian (they live in the same town) - in hopes that Lily would take a nap. We drove all around our county, remarking on the architecture and exploring little neighborhoods we had never known existed.

During our drive, I thought it would be fun to time my contractions... something else to pass the time before dinner. I had been having steady Braxton-Hicks contractions every evening for weeks and weeks, so when they started during our drive, I barely noticed. When I actually began counting, I was surprised to notice they were coming pretty regularly - 5 to 7 minutes apart. That made me wonder if they were always so regular, and I just never counted, but I didn't think much of it. They didn't feel different than any other night when I WASN'T counting.



(Here's Lily, still asleep in the car just after Jillian gets loaded in.)

We got to the restaurant around 7:30 p.m. During dinner, I really started noticing my contractions. But again, they weren't remarkably different than normal - just a little harder. I made a comment to Ryan that Pam partially overheard. "You're having contractions?" she asked.

"Yeah, but I have a bunch every evening, so I'm not worrying about it."

"So, basically you could be in labor right now."

"Yeah, I guess so. But no way I'm not finishing my Thai food!"



(Here's a photo of the 6 of us during dinner.)

During the car ride home, I had my first contraction requiring my total attention. The only reason I know is that I could not speak after it started. That's the first moment I let myself acknowledge that yes, maybe something was different. I took Ryan's hand and squeezed it really hard to let him know. He glanced over at me but said nothing...we did not want to needlessly alert our passengers.

We all got back to our house for dessert and a movie around 9:30 p.m. I sat on the couch during "Becoming Jane" with my tasty Strawberry Shortcake Good Humor bar, hoping our guests weren't noticing my contractions. None of my Braxton-Hicks required staring straight ahead and gripping the sides of the couch. After about half an hour, I decided to go upstairs, too embarrassed to continue sitting there making funny faces. Plus, the movie wasn't as distracting as I had hoped it would be.

Once upstairs, I started timing my contractions. They were 3-4 minutes apart. Um, what? That can't be right. I called Ryan upstairs around 10:30 p.m. to time them for me...maybe I was reading my watch wrong. When he came in the dark room, I stopped him from turning on the overhead lights. That alone should have made me realize what was really going on. Normally, I wouldn't have cared. But I was still in denial.

During each contraction, I curled up on the bed in Bradley's "relaxation" position. When I was in labor with Lily, this only made my contractions worse. Nothing helped except leaning over a birth ball or squatting on my hands and knees. To my surprise, at this point, it really helped. Ryan confirmed that I had been timing the contractions correctly.

"Do you want me to tell Pam and Brian to leave?" he asked.

"No, let them finish the movie. I like the distraction."

i sent Ryan back downstairs to join our guests. I called Lori and Jay to tell them I wasn't sure, but I thought I was in labor, and just to be ready should I need to call them later to come stay with Lily if we went to the hospital. I went into the office and went online to distract myself. That's when I wrote this entry.

I can't believe I was STILL in denial. The contractions just felt so completely different than last time! With Lily, I knew I was in labor the minute my "real" contractions started. For a full day, I had awful back labor with her. I should have known from my Bradley classes that she was posterior, but it was my first labor and I wasn't thinking clearly enough to put it all together. This time, my labor snuck up on me, because it just felt like gradually-increasing Braxton-Hicks, and the whole time, I kept waiting for the awful back labor to start, signaling that, yes, this was the real thing.

I called Ryan back upstairs around 11:00 p.m. I needed him with me now. Relaxing on the bed wasn't helping. Leaning over onto the bed or the desk was the only thing that provided relief, and I no longer wanted to time my own contractions.

They were getting longer and much harder. Ryan called the midwife around 11:15 p.m. and told her what was going on, just so she could have a heads-up. She wanted to speak to me. Drat, I thought that would happen! One thing I told her was that there was a lot of pressure on my bottom. "Yeah - that's the baby!" she told me. She asked what we wanted to do, and I told her I wanted to wait and see a little longer. We agreed that she would call back in an hour and we would re-evaluate.

When I heard the movie end around 11:30 p.m., I sent Ryan downstairs to tell Brian and Pam that it was time for them to go. Things got really serious after they left. The contractions were getting intolerable, and loud, continuous vocalization (like moaning) during each contraction provided the most relief.

Half of me felt this was really getting unbearable, but the other more "logical" side of me kept telling myself it was too soon to be this far along - remember the last labor was 31 hours long?? The pressure on my bottom was continuing to worry me (I certainly remembered THAT feeling from last time), and one contraction scared me when I thought I might like to push to relieve some of the pain.

Um, yeah. Those are some definite "get thee to a hospital NOW" signs that I could no longer talk myself out of. I told Ryan, "I can't stay here anymore. I want to go to the hospital." So we called Tina back just a half hour after the first conversation and told her we were leaving. She said she expected as much and was ready to leave herself. (Don't you love how she makes me figure this out for myself?) Next, we called Lori and Jay to come stay with Lily, then my mom to come relieve Jay (it would take her more than an hour to pack and arrive - she had no warning - and Jay lived just the next town over). Too bad Brian and Pam had just left 15 minutes earlier!

But I think our alone time was crucial - I was not inhibited to make noise or do whatever I needed to feel better, and in hindsight, my labor really transitioned in those brief 15 minutes. I went from, "OK, this is really happening," to, "I can't stay home any longer!" so quickly!

After calling Jay, we finished packing the hospital bags with items on our last-minute list, like toiletries and the digital camera. Jay arrived around 12:15 a.m., and we got to the hospital around 12:30. It was raining out so Ryan wasn't able to get there in as much of a hurry as he would have liked (I remember glancing over at the speedometer once while we were on our way - though I did not even notice when he ran a red light that had not changed for quite some time - he told me about it later.)

Tina was waiting for me when I arrived. She shooed away a nurse who wanted me to fill out paperwork, telling her, "She'll do it later!" and then checked on my progress. To my astonishment and relief, I had arrived 8cm dilated. Hallelujah! I had a big fear that we would show up and be sent home, and that my now super-intense contractions were still going to get a lot worse. To hear that I had made so much progress in so little time - the length of the movie, basically - was astounding.

Ryan left to go park the car, and another nurse came in to hook me up to an IV and inquire about an epidural. Tina similarly shooed her away. "No, we don't need all that stuff! We're having a baby here any minute. Just let her have the baby." How wonderful having Tina on my side! I was certainly too busy to be the one doing the shooing.

So the nurse, needing SOMEthing to do, hooked me up the an external Fetal Monitor. I realized my face was all sweaty and that I had begun to shiver. Tina told me that was normal for transition. "Transition?!" I still couldn't believe I had arrived so far along and still had my wits about me during transition. With Lily's backward, posterior labor, I never had a normal transition, so I though I'd be in for a big shock this time around. I guess not.

Ryan was back around 1:00 a.m. and after another few contractions, I asked Tina if it was OK to push. She told me to go right ahead, if that's what I wanted to do. The nurse asked if Tina was going to check me again, and Tina said, "What for? She's ready to push!"

Just like last time, the pushing stage didn't go as quickly as we all expected. Turns out I'm a lousy pusher. I always wonder how women with epidurals who can't feel anything are able to push out babies so quickly, when I'm able to feel what's going on and still can't do it right. Apparently, I was pushing in the wrong spot. Don't ask how that is possible, because apparently it just is. I'm very good at it.

After about 30-45 minutes of ineffective pushing that only got the baby's head so far, Tina made an off-hand comment to the nurse or to Ryan that I just really don't like pushing and the baby wasn't going to come out until I got over it and just DID IT. Funny how a passive-agressive comment like that is all it takes to make a passive-agressive person get serious.

Tina's fingers putting pressure on my perenium were a wonderful guide for helping me know WHERE to push (I remember the same thing from my last labor). Once I really started pushing long and correct, I made progress very quickly. his head came down and out in just a few pushes, and his body seemed to come out in the same push just after his head. I had emphasized repeatedly that I did not want to tear (an epesiotomy was never discussed) and trusted Tina to help me push properly, but for some reason, everyone told me to just keep on pushing his body out, even though the contraction was over.

While he was on his way out, I asked Ryan, "Do you want to catch him?" and he quickly answered, "No!" Little did I know, he would not have been given the option. At 2:12 a.m., Jacob Ryan was born (though he would not have his name for another two days). Tina caught him and flipped him around onto my chest. I did not realize the significance of this movement at the time. I just looked down at my slimy little bundle in awe...

...and wondered why he was so blue. And not moving.

Ryan yelled, "It's a boy!" and I yelled, "I know!" I did not know beforehand that that would be the first thing to come out of my mouth, but somehow, it was true. I just KNEW he was a boy. The last few months, I only thought of the baby inside me as a boy, and truth be told, we really only discussed boy names. I asked Ryan, "Are you sure?" - because our Bradley teacher told a story of a newborn baby girl being pronounced a boy by her father because he did not know a baby had such inflamed genitalia post-delivery. Ryan assured me he was indeed a boy.

"Why is he so blue?" I continued to ask. No one was answering me. Tina and the nurse were busy getting our little boy to breathe. I did not know what everyone else had seen - that Jacob was born with the cord wrapped around his neck. After his head came out and they saw this, they told me to continue pushing because they wanted to get him untangled as quickly as possible. Avoiding a tear was no longer the top priority. When a hand came out after the head, there was no time to get his arm straightened out, and his elbow contributed to my tears. When Tina flipped him onto me, it was to untangle the cord from around his neck.

Finally, he started squeaking and eventually crying. It was the best sound in the world! Only after he started breathing did anyone tell me what had happened. It wasn't that they were ignoring me - they just had more important things to do. The nurse and Tina began commenting on his large size and betting one another how big he was. "At least nine pounds!" said one. "Maybe nine and a half!" said the other. I stared in awe. No WONDER I'm such a bad pusher!



(Here's our little purple boy, just moments after delivery. His hand is STILL up by his face, just like when he came out.)

In my reclined position, it was hard for me to see him. I remember I kept saying, "I can't see him!" All that hard work and I couldn't admire the prize. Tina administered my local anasthetic then asked me if I felt another contraction coming to push out the placenta. "How did you know?!" I asked. "I can just tell," she replied. So out I pushed it, looked it over, and started getting sewn up. I had a first- and a second-degree tear, same as last time. I asked Tina if they were in the same place, but she couldn't tell.





(Still connected to Mama, and getting a little less blue...)

Ryan and the nurse took Jacob to be weighed and measured while I got sewn up, since breastfeeding would have been difficult during that time of such discomfort. He had his bath and his vitamin K shot (in preparation for the circumcision he would have the next day), but we said no to the eye drops. Tina left to get cleaned up after she finished with her sutures. So I just sat there all alone...la la la la la...wondering when my little baby would come back. I missed him already! It was strange suddenly being all alone after having someone inside me - constantly with me - for nine months.

Eventually the nurse came back with Ryan and the baby. He was 9lb 5oz and 21 1/2" long. He had been given Apgar scores of 8 and 9. The nurse got Jacob started feeding, but something didn't feel right. It had been 8 months since I had last nursed, so I trusted her rather than me. When Tina came back, I expressed my concern, and she confirmed that yes, the nurse had started him off all wrong. She took him off, unwrapped him, repositioned him, and ah yes, that felt MUCH better.

He ate like a champ on both sides, and then the nurse made me get up to go to the bathroom. She remarked how much easier it was with a patient who had not had an epidural. I couldn't imagine doing all that without having feeling in my legs! Then she got the wheelchair ready and wheeled me off to our new postpartum room. Ryan walked along carrying all our stuff. We stopped halfway to fill out forms that we didn't have time to sign pre-delivery - things like, Ryan is allowed to take pictures and be in the room during the birth. Haha...a little late.

Our newly renovated room was nice, but people kept coming in and out after we got there, so we couldn't get to sleep until around 5:30 a.m. We slept for around an hour and a half, then once again, people started coming in and out of the room (which was really bright by this time), then breakfast arrived. Oh well, I guess it's time to get up for the day.

Sunday afternoon, Lori and Jay were our first visitors, then Ryan's parents with Heidi, then my parents with Lily. It just so happened that all three sets of visitors arrived back-to-back-to-back - passing each other on the way out. Lily was curious about the new baby, but no more than about anything else in the room. She was a little crazy (excited to be with her Oma and Opa? excited to have so many things to explore?), so i don't think my parents got as good a look at the baby as they would have liked.



(Lori, 7 months pregnant, with her new nephew.)



(Ryan's parents with their new grandson.)



(Lily, investigating her new little baby.)

Pastor Jim, his wife Pam, and their daughter Jessica came next while my parents were there, then I kicked everyone out to feed the baby. Ryan ran home to get some stuff done for work, and while he was gone, my parents came back with chocolate milkshakes for the new parents - how wonderful! Ryan came back, my parents left, and we had about an hour to ourselves before the next round of visitors. Pam and Brian came just before Aunt Ilse and Uncle David. We talked about how funny it was that just yesterday evening, we had talked about going to see "Prince Caspian," and how I was in labor while they were over, watching a movie.



(Brian and Pam - they practice these poses at home.)



(Aunt Ilse and Uncle David)

The next morning (Monday) Jacob had his circumcision. It was performed by Dr. Garfinkel, who I believe is the head of my OBGYN practice. I had never met him before. He was a nervous type of guy who seemed a little more nervous when I asked to be present during the procedure. Ryan had no desire to watch, but I was curious and felt it my motherly duty to be present. They were talking of rescheduling until they were able to find a clamp big enough to accomodate our son. Dr. Garfinkel did a great job describing everything as he went along, and I think he was truly surprised that I had no trouble watching. Tina told me that he made a comment to her that he was surprised such a "little girl" gave birth to such a big boy.



(Jen holding Jacob.)

Our friend Jen came to visit around 7:30 p.m. that evening - 1/2 hour before visiting hours were over - so we had a nice day mostly to ourselves to begin recouperating. We left tuesday around 12:30.