Wednesday, December 19, 2007

How I'm Feeling - Week 19

I'm 19 1/2 weeks pregnant now. It's amazing that in a few days, I will be halfway done with this pregnancy. It's also amazing how radically different this pregnancy is than the last one. Not physically, as that's pretty much been the same (no morning sickness, no weird cravings, tired in the first trimester), but mentally. Last time, I read the next chapter of, "Your Pregnancy: Week by Week" faithfully every Tuesday night.

This time...? Where is that book again??

Last time, I was on constantly, finding out what was happening inside me, how the baby was developing, what I was and wasn't allowed to eat, what I definitely should be eating, etc. This time? I stuff my face with whatever I feel like and never remember to force myself to eat my vegetables. Last time, I was a nut about noticing every little change in my body. This time? Should that be there? I'd rather not look, thank you very much.

Last time, all I was was Pregnant. Like after you get engaged and the world revolves around you and your head is in a cloud and all you are in life is someone's soon-to-be wife. Pregnancy defined me. This time, I'm Lily's Mama and housewife and What's for dinner? and Christmas is WHEN?? and Oh yeah, I'm pregnant. It's amazing how different it is! Sometimes, I'll walk by a mirror and do a double take because I've forgotten there's this belly there and I haven't looked at it in a while and my goodness, it's gotten bigger!

Last time, I refused to look at maternity clothes or at Babies'R'Us goodies until well after I should have...convinced doing so would somehow jinx the pregnancy. This time, I wore maternity clothes in the first trimester because - forget looking trendy - I just want to be comfortable! And I started a new Babies'R'Us registry right away because there was cool stuff in the free gift box for Lily. Hehe.

Our big level-2 ultrasound is this Friday - as in, two days from now. It still doesn't seem real. Although, when I remember to think about it, I have the same emotional response as last time: 1/2 excited and 1/2 nervous. Excited to see our new little stinker mugging for the camera and squirming around in there; nervous because if there is something majorly wrong with the baby, this will affect our family for the rest of our lives. So we're just praying everything will go fine, and that, if it doesn't, God will give us the strength and courage to accept whatever He throws our way.