Crying It Out

I've been meaning to start a Lily blog for months now. 8 months to be exact. But the longer I waited, the larger the idea of catching up loomed over my head, so I've decided there's no day like the present and I'm letting myself off the hook: No catching up required!

Unless I want to, of course.

So I'll start with today. Lily's naps have been a little more fitful at the outset today, and I'm suspecting it's because last night was the first night of really letting her "cry it out." She went to sleep around 8 p.m. and woke up for the first time at 9:30, after which a quick pacifier-reinsertion sent her straight back to dreamland. So this wasn't really even like waking up, especially since it was too early in the night to get either of us out of bed.

She woke up for the second time around 4:45 a.m. - quite a nice gap in the middle there - but she absolutely would not take her pacifier. After letting her cry for a few minutes, I handed her a bottle with 2 oz water in it. She immediatly stopped crying, grabbed it eagerly, and shoved it into her mouth. She sucked away happily for a little while until - what in the world? - this isn't what I want! Get this thing outta my crib!

Here's a picture of her screaming (from a week or two ago) in case you're not sure just how heart-wrenching this level of screaming really looks.



She wailed for another good ten minutes while I laid in bed, painfully listening to her crying, telling myself all the reasons I should go back in there and give her a bottle with actual formula in it. But my resolve was firm and I didn't let myself get up - except to turn on the bathroom fan so I couldn't hear her crying anymore.

I don't know how long she actually cried. I'm praying it wasn't too long. I had half a mind to turn on the monitor just so I could see the lights moving in response to any noise she was making. I had this awful feeling while she was screaming that she was going to hate me in the morning or make my day miserable today just to spite me.

But at 8 a.m. when I first heard her making noise (Ryan turned off the fan when he got up for work), she was happily standing in her crib like always, babbling away, blowing mouth farts, chewing on the bars, and waiting for me to come say "good morning" so she could give me one of her big, lights-up-her-face, "Mama's are the best" grins.



(This pic is from almost two months ago.)

My heart melted. After lots of extra squeezes and smooshy kisses, I realized everything was going to be OK. We ARE going to get through this and my baby WILL learn how to sleep through the night again. And then, hopefully, so will I.