Phew

It's all good. We're having a baby. There was a heartbeat. And a BABY. A head and spine and a body. And a BABY.

I'm so excited...this calls for a nap.

Tomorrow's The Big Day

My first appointment's tomorrow. I'm guessing I'm around 9 weeks, so if there's no heartbeat, there's a problem. The good thing is, we'll get some kind of clarification either way, and my doubts will be laid to rest.

Symptoms finally showed up around two weeks ago. That's when the wall of TIRED hit. And it hasn't left yet. Every day, I am just so exhausted. The house is a mess and I'm too tired to care or to do anything about it. I just look the other way. I can't wait until the tired is over so I can give back to my kids again. I feel so bad for them, with a Mama who does as little to make it through the day as possible. They deserve better.

And I've begun to have food issues. Not the throwing up kind - the "I'm over-full from eating one teaspoon of dinner - Oh no, wait, now I'm STARVING like I've never eaten in my life and must eat NOOOOW!" The same kind of food issues I have every pregnancy.

So while the tired and the food issues (and the CONSTANT trips to the bathroom, especially during the night) are inconvenient, I'm reassured to have some signs that I am indeed pregnant. Looking forward to tomorrow!

My E-Mail to Ryan

even though i just vacuumed, the kitchen still looks like a war zone. every single surface is covered with food and dirty dishes and it's just so gross i want to run away.

but at least the dishwasher is empty. you know that's always a big hurdle and turning point for me...

lily will be going down for a nap soon. she's just in such a good mood i don't want to disturb her.

jacob had a huge nap this morning so the longer i hold off lily, the more likely it is i'll get them to nap together this afternoon. and maybe nap myself!

we had mac'n'cheese with green beans and hot dogs for lunch. well, i had green beans and hot dogs. they mostly just had mac'n'cheese ;)

now they're out playing on the deck so nicely, and i can hear lily singing to herself as she rocks her baby maggie. so sweet...

don't forget to have lunch. and by "lunch" i don't mean some m&m's and a coke.

mmm...that sounds good.

love you.

The Pickle Conundrum

Is it weird that this egg salad sandwich with American cheese and bread-and-butter pickles on wheat bread is the best thing I've ever tasted? EVER?

(Until the next best thing a few hours from now...)

Is it weird that I'm combining pickles with egg salad? I am normally a pickle fan, so I can't tell if it's me being pregnant or me just being me.

Can you tell I'm still looking for some signs here??? (Other than that 2nd positive pregnancy test I took Saturday. Thanks for humoring me, Angela!)

Big Girl Bed, Take 1

I know this bed is the same size as her crib, but somehow, it looks huge and Lily looks so tiny.



She said, "Yes," when asked if she wanted a pillow. She then proceeded to happily put it NEXT to her head, and lay her head on her bunched up blanket, like always. I guess it's the thought that counts ;)





She pointed at the empty crib and shouted, "Jacob sleep there!" and since he was already wailing in the crib in his room, why not wail in Lily's crib instead?



Little boy was none too happy. Not sure if he was overtired or if the HIB vaccine from earlier in the day was bothering him. (Today's 15-month well-visit is a whole other story...) But he did momentarily find the camera flash amusing, which is how we got this second picture:



1 1/2 seconds later, he was back to screaming.

I told Lily she could only get out of bed to use the potty, so whaddya know? We're downstairs talking about how cute and how big she is in her bed, and suddenly Jacob's crying gets louder, so we know she's opened the door and come out. "Mama, potty! Mama, potty!" So I go upstairs and put the step stool in front of the toilet and explain to her that she doesn't have to call me - she can just go.

I go into my room to get ready for bed, and here she comes waddling in with her pullup and pants around her ankles. "Wipe! Mama, wipe!" Of course I hadn't HEARD anything so I know there's nothing to wipe.

By now we've put Jacob back in his crib because he just is not settling down in her room. The "2 kids in one room" experiment will have to wait for another night. Lily climbs back into her bed. Another 5 minutes later, she's standing at the closed gate atop the steps, calling for me. Ryan is there and tells her to go back to her bed, and that if she gets out again, she goes back in her crib.

Little steps take off down the hallway to her room.

ANOTHER 5 minutes later, more, "Mama? Mama" from atop the steps. So Ryan sadly goes and puts her back in her crib.

Darn that whole concept called "follow-through"...!

And then, for the 2nd time ever, Lily climbs out of her crib. We hear her calling upstairs. This time I go up, and I mean business. She's standing in her room and asks to go downstairs. When I tell her she only has two options, her little bed or the crib, she chooses the bed. On the way, she asks for milk. Like, "Come on, Ma, gimme SOMEthing here." But she's already had a lot. "No milk, Lily."

"Water?"

"No more water. Climb in bed."

"No - go downstairs!"

So then the threat of punishment. And this time, when given the option of where she would like to sleep, she chooses her crib. And I haven't heard a peep from her since.

Oh, and somewhere in there? Jacob stopped wailing.

Here's a video of bringing in her bed, the inaugural climbing in, and happy happy Jacob:

Escape Artist!

5 minutes ago, it finally happened. For the first time.

Lily climbed out of her crib.

I was sitting here at the computer, just as I am now, when I heard a little voice at the top of the stairs. I immediately knew she had escaped. And that moment had come when everything would have to change.

I went upstairs and stared at her. "Did you climb out of your crib?" She dodged the question: "Mama's bed! Sleep in Mama's bed!" This whole escapade would have been a lot cuter if she hadn't been trying to get out of nap time for like an hour already, and if I wasn't tired of going back up there - repeatedly - to tell her, no you've had enough drink refills. No, you have enough books in your crib already. Look, your pacifier is right here under your blanket!

Mean Mama...

I'm actually surprised it took so long. She has been a climber since she was born, scaling everything imaginable (and even those things previously UNimaginable - to me!). She has known how to climb out of her pack'n'play for a long time. But I think the one time she tried to climb out of her crib, she got stuck with one leg on either side, and I when I came to investigate her crying, I found her petrified and hanging on, unable to get out or back in.

I guess this reconfirms my decision to set up her toddler bed this evening, since she's doing so well not peeing in her pull-ups at night, and I'm tired of getting out of bed at 2 a.m. to take her to the potty.

Good timing, little girl. Good timing...

*Hmm, I just re-read this and noticed I mentioned how tired I was two separate times. That could be a pregnancy sign, right...? Or am I still reaching?*

Potty Training: Week 2

We are so proud of Lily. She is a stellar potty pee-er. She had even been holding it all night (or shouting out, "Mama! Potty!" at 2 a.m.), but now that we're on vacation, she's using her pull-up at night, and thankfully, we're all getting a little more shut-eye.

She loves using the potty. It's an especially wonderful stall tactic before bed or in the middle of the night when she doesn't want to go in her crib. "More poop!" Yet somehow, sure enough, there's always more! So we have to believe her every time she tells us what she has to do (she's very specific), and we have to believe her when she adamantly refuses to sit on the potty, even though I'm sure by now she MUST have to go. But when she does, she tells us, and sure enough, she stays dry until then. Little girl can HOLD it like nobody's business.

She's still in pull-ups during the day, since I didn't want to worry about her having an accident at Grandma and Grandpa's. But I needn't have worried, because she hasn't peed in one yet.

My mom was so proud of her that she went bought her the cutest package of little girl underwear. She presented them to Lily and Lily's eyes lit up as she exclaimed, "Nice! So nice!" It doesn't take much to make her happy ;)

Here We Go AGAIN

This past Sunday, I got a positive test at 31 days:



This time, both kids got in on the posing action - in the Yankees outfits and in the Bumbo seats, as always. (Compare with last time in May.)



Jacob didn't last too long, but Lily was happy to keep posing. I love how her dress flows around the seat:



Too bad you couldn't actually read the test strip in these pictures of her holding it:



It's the earliest I've ever tested. (And the earliest I've ever shared the news.) So that makes me 37 days preggers today on Saturday, less than a week after finding out. It's such a tease that I don't have my first OB appt until the 30th of September at 8 1/2 weeks - that's like a month away! I made sure to have the receptionist schedule it for a time when the doctor, not just the midwife, was available. If we don't hear a heartbeat, there's no way I'm leaving that place without an ultrasound and confirmation one way or the other. (She doesn't do ultrasounds, just the doppler.)

I feel so strange about this one. I don't have any symptoms. Sometimes I think I do, but then I think it's just in my head because I'm trying to look for them. It completely does not feel real. When I was pregnant with Lily, after the first miscarriage, I never believed it. Even after hearing the heartbeat and seeing that first ultrasound, I still doubted. Not until I felt her kicking me every day did I start to relax and feel like everything might turn out OK. It hurt too much to hope.

This time, I don't think I'm as guarded as practical. Once I get some solid proof that everything's OK, I'm going to be CRAZY excited. But I'm just not there yet. It feels so strange telling people that you're pregnant when it feels like a big hoax...